Thinking about getting help for your child
Maybe school has raised something. Maybe home feels harder than it should. Maybe you've been quietly comparing your child to their friends for months. You don't need to be certain, and you don't need to wait for a crisis: asking for help commits you to nothing. Here's how getting help works in the UK, step by step.
What to do, step by step
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Trust what you're noticing
You know your child best. If something feels different or difficult (big reactions, struggles with focus, friendships that never quite stick, school mornings that end in tears), that's worth taking seriously. You don't need a name for it before you ask about it, and noticing early is a strength, not an overreaction.
Worth gathering
- A simple diary of specific moments: what happened, when, and what helped
- Notes on where difficulties show up: home, school, or both
- Anything school has already mentioned, even informally
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Talk to your child's school
Start with the class teacher or form tutor, then ask to speak to the SENCO SENCO The teacher in your child's school who leads support for children with special educational needs. They are usually the quickest person for a parent to reach. Read the full definition of SENCO , the special educational needs SEND SEND is England's word for children who need extra help to learn. The rest of the UK uses other words, and other rules. Read the full definition of SEND co-ordinator every school has. Ask what they've noticed, and what support the school can put in place now. SEN support at school is based on your child's needs: the school doesn't have to wait for a diagnosis to start it.
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Book a GP appointment
Take your notes and be specific: what your child does, how often, how long it's been going on, and how it affects daily life. Ask directly what the assessment routes are in your area: GPs can often refer children to a paediatrician Paediatrician A paediatrician is a doctor for babies, children and young people. A community paediatrician is the one you are most likely to meet for development, behaviour and disability. Read the full definition of Paediatrician , CAMHS CAMHS NHS teams that support children and young people with mental health difficulties. Referrals usually come from a GP, school or another professional. Read the full definition of CAMHS , or a local neurodevelopmental team. For some assessments, such as autism, it may be your child's school or a health visitor that needs to make the referral, and the GP can tell you which applies where you live.
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Understand where a referral can lead
Depending on what's going on, a referral referral When a professional passes your child on to a specialist team for assessment or treatment. A GP, school or health visitor can usually make one. Read the full definition of referral might go to community paediatrics, CAMHS CAMHS NHS teams that support children and young people with mental health difficulties. Referrals usually come from a GP, school or another professional. Read the full definition of CAMHS (child and adolescent mental health services), or a specialist neurodevelopmental pathway. Whoever makes the referral, ask three things: who it has gone to, whether it has been accepted, and what the wait tends to be locally.
The NHS says an assessment can take a few months or longer once a referral is accepted. Waits vary a lot by area, so ask locally rather than relying on national averages.
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Don't wait for the system to start helping
Support doesn't begin with a referral referral When a professional passes your child on to a specialist team for assessment or treatment. A GP, school or health visitor can usually make one. Read the full definition of referral , and it doesn't depend on one. Small changes at home and at school can start today, and the clearer your picture of your child's strengths and needs, the better every conversation that follows goes, whether that's with a teacher, a GP GP Your family doctor. For many families the GP is the first person to talk to, and the person who refers your child on to a specialist. Read the full definition of GP or an assessment team.
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Look after yourself too
This stage can feel lonely: you're carrying a worry you can't yet name, and everyone around you seems to have an opinion. Other parents who've walked this road are one of the best sources of practical wisdom there is: look for your local parent carer forum, and lean on the charities below.
Common questions
Does my child need a diagnosis before they can get support at school?
No. SEN support at school is based on your child's needs, not on a diagnosis. Talk to the SENCO about what can be put in place now, and keep a note of what's agreed.
What if school says my child is fine?
It's very common for children to hold it together at school and let it out at home. That doesn't mean nothing is going on. Keep your own dated notes, share specific examples with the school, and ask them to observe. You can still see your GP without the school's agreement.
What should I actually say to the GP?
Describe specific behaviours, how long they've been happening, what you've tried, and the impact on everyday life: school, sleep, friendships, family. Bring your notes. If you want to ask about an assessment, say so directly at the start of the appointment.
Where can I get free advice about school support?
Every local authority has a SENDIASS: a free, impartial information, advice and support service for special educational needs and disabilities. Search your council's name plus 'SENDIASS' to find yours.
Where next on the journey
Start understanding your child now
A free profile maps your child's strengths and needs across 8 dimensions: useful for you, and for every conversation that follows with school, your GP or an assessment team.
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